Goodbye Old Year

2010 has contained a lot of pain for me. Physical in nature, for the most part. I'm not sad to see it go. But every new year, I wonder, what have I done? And I think, what will I do now? Why does this night seem different? Why do I feel some need to "start over?" Me and the rest of the world....

Each morning should be like tomorrow morning. Each new sunrise should make me think about my resourcefulness and usefulness - what did I do with the passing day that was worthwhile? It should make me realize that I have one more opportunity. To be kind, to love, to make a difference in someone's life. To make a difference in my own life.

So, apart from learning to write a new year when I date things, perhaps tomorrow should hold no other charm for me, but a new sunrise, more breath, more heartbeats (however fast and wonky they may be). And I should just start from there.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Day.

In Pursuit of Palpitations

I have become too aware of my heart
Beating, Pumping
I seem to notice everything now
I wait for it to make itself known again
and realize that for so long, I barely knew it existed.
Sometimes I am surprised by my own heart
as if it lays in wait to jump out and scare me,
to take my breath away.
As I wait, I wonder
What of my other heart?
Am I aware of how it is growing or dying?
Growing by loving others
Dying by hurting them
Have I been attentive enough
to its continual need of change?
I have allowed physicians to meddle
with my heart of flesh.
Have I allowed The Great Physician
to cure the heart of my soul?


December 10, 2010
Naomi G. Martinez-Goldstick