Great Writers Start Ugly - day 7

Jeff Goins urges us today to just write, and not be afraid of the ugly first draft. So, I decided to test myself and wrote a poem on his blog this morning.

Here goes Ugly, composed on the spot:

There it is
the door
tall and narrow
surely I will never fit
heavy
surely I am not strong enough

I can't quite read the sign
held up by shiny tape
orange letters
or maybe
I can't quite believe them

I stand, hand poised

If I open it, I might fail
and that shakes me
If I open it, I might succeed
And that thought,
that kernel of hope
frightens me more

But here, on this side, I am only half me.
I need to see the whole
at least to know
beyond shadow
beyond doubt
that I exist,
even in failure,
even
in success.

I try the door
and to my wonder,
it swings freely

freely

the only strength needed
is here
here in my heart.


6/13/12
Naomi G. Martinez-Goldstick

Day 3 - Write for Two Hours

Technically, today's challenge was get up *early* and write for two hours. It didn't happen for me today (I can hear my husband chastising me already about how late I stay up....) but with Summer here I enjoy exercising my late night movie habit.

Still, I did write today for an hour and plan another hour this afternoon. It feels good to work again. I had been on a roll for a while, a time when I was burning up the page and couldn't NOT write this story, but after a point I let many things get in the way. I want to say what everyone says, what is easy to say, which is that I was BUSY. But I know that is not true. I had time. I just didn't. I know why.

I had reached a point in my story that gave me doubts. And those doubts started to get bigger and they crowded out the story, the message and meaning behind why I started writing it in the first place. Being "ordered" to get up and just DO it today forced me to face that hump and start to walk over it. I just needed a push to put my head down and work it out.

Hopefully the forming of good habits will keep these blocks at bay. No, no, no, that is wrong thinking. Here is the correct sentence: The forming of a good consistant writing habit will keep these blocks at bay.

That's better.

Write on, Friends!

Do I believe what I say?

Today we as writers are called to believe what we say about ourselves. I can declare to the world that I am a writer, but this will not be a reality if I do not wholly believe it. And how do I judge what I believe? God tells us in the Bible it is where our heart lies, where our time is spent.

Hmmm...

But often what stops me is not lack of belief in the fact that I should write, that I was created this way, with words clanging around inside my head, an insatiable need to devour words and use them to show you how I see the world.

The thing that stops me is fear. Fear that I don't have what it takes, that it won't "work" - whatever that means. That no one really wants to hear what I have to say. Even with proof that sits right in front of me.

When my kids are faced with mean kids saying mean things, I tell them - "Believe the truth that is here, with people who love you and know you rather than the lies of 10 year olds." But do I take my own advice?

It is so easy to listen to the world, isn't it? To feed the scary monsters that live under the bed. Well, it's time to starve those monsters and feed my soul instead, the good food of the Truth that He Who created a good work in me is faithful to complete it.

Tomorrow? Up early and write for two hours. *sigh* .......

I am a writer....

Starting a Writing Challenge today:

Today's assignment: Declare myself a writer.

Well, I guess I have defined myself as a writer for years now. I know inside it is what I love and what I want to do with my time and creativity. But there was a moment that helped me define that in my heart. As a student at the New England Conservatory, I took several of their wonderful Liberal Arts classes and in one of them, we were asked to write a story. I gave it my best shot, but was so intimidated by my own voice that I could not read it out to the class, and asked a dear friend of mine to read it for me. I found myself regretting it, though. She was a fine reader, but no one knows your work like you do and there were so many places where I would have changed the inflection, where I knew the subtly of meaning that was so important. I should have read it.

When I got the story back, my teacher wrote five words that changed my life. Well, I should say, they changed the idea of my life. He wrote: "Naomi, you are a writer."

I have never, ever forgotten this small encouragement. He also encouraged me to do a double major at Tufts University so I could study with him there. But in my mind, I was still a "musician" and couldn't conceive otherwise. I so wish I had looked into it.

But yes, I will always consider myself a writer. It is how I best express myself, how I look at the world, how the world communicates itself to me, through words that paint a picture.

Perhaps it is the approach of 45, but this year, my writing has meant more to me than ever. That, and a funny little story that has taken hold of my heart and won't let go. More on that later.

Write on, friends!