Happy Birthday!

Today, Eli turns 11.

With each marker in his life, I am blown away - AGAIN - by God's mercy and love.

Every mother looks back, I am sure, to the morning of her child's birth and remembers. I remember holding him and wrestling with the nurse's swaddling so that I could find his tiny little feet. I had to see his little feet. I remember his head full of sticking-up hair and his big adorable cheeks. I remember his scream.... haha. Good lungs, everyone said...

I even remember watching the news unfold in England when Princess Di passed away - because I WAS UP ALL NIGHT with him!

And I remember the dreams I had that day, wondering where he would go and what he would do. I had no idea that in a year and a half I would be back in that same hospital, a few floors down hoping he would just live.

I had no idea that in a year and a half, I would walk through that same lobby and see women just like me taking their babies home for the first time and my bitter heart would silently say to them - "Just wait. Just wait for what is in store for you. You think you are happy, but everything could come crashing down."

And now, here I am 11 years later and I look at this big boy - with his own cell phone - making his way through middle school, smiling his way into everyone's hearts. I get emails from his teachers telling me what a delight he is to have in their class. I see people smile when he walks into a room.

I get to enjoy his great sense of humor and watch his eyes dance with anticipation at life's joys - big and small. Just getting to see his cousin on any given day will give him that look in his eyes. Hearing the door unlock as Dad comes home. Spying a sleeping cat in need of a cuddle.

Oh, how I wish I could stop and enjoy life like that.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy. Thank you for sharing your love so easily. Thank you for your laughter. Thank you for being so patient with all of us as we push you and pull you and stretch you and subject you to so much. Thank you for teaching us when you didn't even know you were. Thank you for surviving. And thriving.

You are a blessing, my best good boy.

Love, Mom