What are you proud of?

I was challenged yesterday.

The sermon was on pride. Identifying pride, preventing it in our lives.

And I proudly thought, I'm not proud.

*sigh*

Why do we struggle so with this in our lives? Wait... Why do I struggle? Dear reader, I wanted to include you so that I wouldn't feel so miserable about myself. But that's not really fair. I can't say "we" when I know I need to say "me".

I have discovered as I have walked this path that the singular cause behind all the wrong I do is the elevation of Self. As soon as I put my Self in the center, at the front, of any activity, encounter, or relationship, I start to trip, to slip and to fail. It is the force that pushes over the first domino and the rest go cascading down around me.

And I know this. Yet I continue to let it happen.

I find that my need for attention, my need to elevate myself, to feel better, to feel valid, to feel smart, to feel valued, begin to cloud my vision. I begin to look at the words that pour fourth (there are quite a lot of them, aren't there?) and I feel that old familiar smile tug at my mouth. Yeah, that sounds good. What a smith I am.

And there-right there-I slip. I fail (again) to credit and praise He who gives vision, wisdom and talent. I fail (again!) to see the nothing I am and the everything He is.

And I stand, ashamed and painfully reminded that without Him, without my Jesus, I can do nothing. With this, I weep at my rude spirit, my greedy pride.

Lord, take this, these words, take me, and use me, not for my glory but for You. Make me a mirror, an instrument to magnify You and diminish me.

And you, friends, please, forgive me for when I have put myself in front of my love for you and my love for my Lord. Forgive me for hurting you, for ignoring you, and for any harm I may have done.

When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom.
- Proverbs 11:2